Previously I provided suggestions regarding books that were impactful in my journey, and helped me get out of a destructive mindset and into a growth/success mindset.
But what does it really mean to change your mindset? And how does one do that?
What is Mindset?
Your attitudes and beliefs make up your mindset. This determines how you act and how you respond to various situations.
So what happens when your actions don’t align with your values?
This is when it becomes important to really take a look at yourself and take the opportunity to change your mindset.
Two Types of Mindsets
There are two main types of mindsets: Growth vs Fixed (Carol Dweck).
In a fixed mindset, it is believed that certain intelligence, personality, and behaviors are just who you are and can’t be changed. These traits are thought to be “etched in stone.” This mindset is developed from an early age, and people with a fixed mindset have a tendency to fear challenge and devalue effort.
In comparison, a growth mindset allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times. This mindset allows for learning and development because the emphasis is on the effort and not the results.
The idea that your personality/intelligence/talents are already determined and can’t be changed has recently begun to evolve. As a mental health professional, I have seen a change in the belief regarding the ability to change personality. I remember having a conversation with a psychiatrist about this very thing. I asked a question regarding someone who seemed to have had a change in personality, and I was reminded that base personality cannot change. But as time and research progresses, this belief has been shown to have inaccuracies as it is discovered that with a change of mindset, an evolution of personality is possible.
Research has shown that the brain has the capacity to change throughout our life. This ability is referred to as neuroplasticity, and helps in the continual reorganization and development of the mind. Because of this, there is neuroscientific support that personality can change, and intelligence and talents can develop. The key is to be working at it and focusing on efforts rather than results.
Changing Your Mindset
So what are the best ways to begin this mindset change, especially when your actions and behaviors don’t align with your values?
There are many different suggestions pertaining to the action of changing your mindset. There are a few recurring themes among the research, however, which I will attempt to summarize below:
- Analyze and challenge your existing mindset
As I started my journey of “getting more out of life,” I realized that I was very much stuck in a fixed mindset. This was holding me back in so many areas of my life! I always assumed that because I decided on a career and spent the money for the education and licensing, it would be irresponsible to pursue other options.
But that was the exact line of thinking that was keeping me stuck in a rut of self-loathing and depression.
Once I decided that I could no longer live in this stagnancy, I started doing a lot of self-evaluation and research. One recurring theme I noticed was all about changing the mindset.
- Recognize the opportunities that come from challenges
It is impossible to avoid challenges. There will always be times when things don’t go exactly as we anticipate or envision. But the important thing regarding this is to focus on the work to get through the barriers and Don’t. Give. Up.
I know this may be one of the hardest things to do, especially when life dishes out some painful experiences. But the truth is, we – as humans—are incredibly resilient.
When my husband died, my world crumbled down around me. This was definitely not the time I felt empowered to find opportunities that could arise out of my experience. But I soon found myself acting as a sounding board to those who have had some very difficult life challenges and just needed an ear. The opportunity from this experience was to learn greater empathy. It’s not necessarily tangible and definitely not anybody’s ideal situation, but I’m grateful for the opportunity of greater connection with others that the empathy has provided.
- Focus on the experience and not the outcome
One way that my fixed mindset has blocked me from achieving more is that I focus too much on the desired outcome and not on the things I learn along the way. As a result, if I did not achieve what I set out to do in a certain timeline, I would consider myself a failure.
I don’t have 6-pack abs after 3 months? – Failure.
My house isn’t spotless after setting aside an entire day to scrub from top to bottom? – Failure
My business didn’t take off after one night of hard work? – Failure. (Ok, this one is an exaggeration, but I think you get the point.
I tend to avoid failure, so I actually would then avoid the activities that could lead to failure.
See how this could be problematic? Instead, focus on the journey. Recognize the changes in your body as you strive to improve your health. Do you feel better? Have more energy? Notice better skin and hair? Then you haven’t failed.
Keep the course and you’ll see the results you seek. Appreciate the experience along the way.
- Pay attention to and reframe negative self-talk
This, too, has been a giant block in my life. I am often breaking myself down when I don’t do things perfectly or as I envisioned.
A few years ago I set out to complete a masters degree and was unable to. I missed the cutoff to a test by ONE point, and because this resulted in my second B- in the program, I was dismissed from the school.
As a result, I subsequently believed that the intelligence I thought I possessed was never existent in the first place. I told myself that I was an imposter and that I must not be any good at my career if I wasn’t able to complete my education. I berated myself for not being able to figure out how to study or for not being smarter or more dedicated or ….. There were so many things I told myself due to that one experience.
The things that I neglect to include in my self-talk are things like “Wow, you were in a really rough place at that time and you still made it as far as you did. That’s pretty resilient.”
Or, “Look at all the things you learned during that education that you now are able to apply to your critical thinking skillset.”
I chose for a long time to look at that experience as a shameful display of unintelligence and failure. But now I am able to recognize the value of the education that I received, and the verification that I was pursuing the wrong degree that was inconsistent with my life path.
- Put ego aside and embrace imperfections
I’ve spent the majority of my life engaging in perfectionist behaviors because I wanted to prove my value to others. I wanted to impress and receive validation in order to verify my worth. The problem with this is that it takes away from the human experience, and impedes growth because of missed opportunities for improvement.
I know it doesn’t really need to be said, but nobody is perfect. In fact, often times the imperfections are the very things that make us likable and relatable. To hid our imperfections is to hide our true selves, and how can we grow if we’re not able to embrace who we are? Plus, our imperfections give us the opportunity to work on ourselves to create the person we truly desire to be. The trick is to focus on improving just a little every day.
“Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.”
Zig Ziglar
As you can see, a lot of these suggestions are closely tied together, but thee components will help change a fixed mindset into a growth mindset, which is where you’ll find the opportunities for success you’ve always dreamed of. Just remember to NEVER give up. Keep working on yourself EVERYDAY. A little improvement each day is better than none at all. Keep pushing. I know you’ll be successful.
To Your Growth,
-Jacoy
To delve deeper into fixed and growth mindsets, I recommend reading Mindset by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.
Very well written. I’m loving this blog.